Bridal Shower Checklist: Every Task, Counted Back From the Shower Date

Start about three months before the shower. Settle who is hosting and paying first, then book the date and place, send invitations a month or more ahead, buy food, games and decor in the last month, confirm everything in the final week, set up the day before, and finish with thank-you notes. The table below puts every task on a date counted back from the shower and says whose job it is.

The checklist at a glance

Two jobs run side by side. The host pays, holds the venue and feeds people. The maid of honor and bridesmaids handle the guests, the games and the bride. If you are the maid of honor and also the host, both columns are yours; if the bride's mother or aunt is hosting, split the table between you on the first call.

The bride has a short list of her own: give the hosts her guest list early, have a registry live before the invitations go out, and write her thank-you notes.

How the dates were set

The shower itself usually sits two months to two weeks before the wedding, according to Emily Post, while Joy puts it about one to two months before. Count back from that shower date, not from the wedding.

• Start: Joy recommends planning at least three months in advance, and Touch Stay opens its checklist at "3+ months out". SignUp's printable checklist starts later, at 8-12 weeks.
• Invitations: sources differ. SignUp's checklist sends them 6-8 weeks before the shower, while Joy says to send the date about a month in advance. We put them at the early end because it leaves time to chase replies; our guide on when to send bridal shower invitations covers the exceptions.
• Thank-yous: Emily Post says shower and party hosts should ideally be thanked within two days, and gift notes go out within three months. Our thank-you card wording guide has the words.

Who hosts, who plans and who pays

The short answer: whoever hosts the shower pays for it, and the host can be a friend, a bridesmaid or a relative.

• Not the couple. Emily Post calls it a faux pas for an engaged couple to throw their own shower, but says pretty much anyone else can host. The bride still shapes it: she gives the guest list and says what she would love or hate.
• The maid of honor is the traditional organizer, not a required one. The Knot says the host is traditionally the maid of honor, and WeddingWire says the bridal party traditionally hosts and pays, led by the maid of honor. Emily Post adds that the maid of honor and bridesmaids are not required to host as part of their duties.
• The bride's mother and family. It was once seen as a request for gifts, but WeddingWire says a shower thrown by the mother of the bride or the future mother-in-law is happening more and more. The Knot goes further and says the mother of the bride usually helps plan and pay. A common split is the mother hosting and paying while the maid of honor runs the guest list and games.
• Co-hosts share the bill. WeddingWire says the budget is usually split evenly among the hosts, and The Knot notes that bridesmaids who cannot pay can help by sending invitations, setting up food, decorating and cleaning up.
• Guests do not pay. A brunch shower at a restaurant is still the hosts' bill; guests bring a gift.
• Jack and Jill or couple's showers. Emily Post describes "Jack and Jill" showers as showers for both the bride and the groom; the same rule applies, so the hosts pay. The Knot notes that some couples plan and pay for a couple's shower themselves, which Emily Post would still count as throwing your own shower.

What a shower costs

The Knot recommends hosts budget $40–$125 per person: the low end for an at-home party with light catering and simple decorations, the high end for a venue with a brunch or luncheon. WeddingWire puts the total anywhere from a couple of hundred dollars to well into the thousands, driven mainly by the guest count and the venue. Hosts also buy their own gift for the bride, and WeddingWire says shower gifts usually cost between $25 and $75.

Ways to keep it small without making it feel small:

• Host at home in the late morning, when brunch food and coffee are enough.
• Ask close family to bring one dish each and keep the cake as the hosts' treat.
• Send invitations by text or email, or print them at home.
• Pick one signature drink instead of a full bar.
• Borrow serving platters, vases and a drinks dispenser instead of renting.
• Spend on one focal point, such as a banner over the gift table, and keep the rest simple; our bridal shower decorations guide puts decor in priority order.
• Choose pen-and-paper games over prizes-heavy ones; our bridal shower games guide has options that need only paper and pens.

What a bridal shower includes

Most showers have the same parts: guests arrive and mingle, there is a meal or snacks, a game or two, the bride opens gifts while someone keeps the gift log, then cake or a toast and favors on the way out. Touch Stay describes it as a time to play games, offer advice and give the bride gifts. An advice or wish card station is an easy extra; see what guests write on bridal shower wish cards.

The gift log matters more than it looks. One person writes the giver and the gift as each box is opened, so the bride can thank everyone later. Give that job to a bridesmaid who will not be busy hosting.

Planning a virtual or long-distance shower

The checklist barely changes; the jobs move online.

• Put the video link and a time zone in the invitation.
• Ask guests to ship gifts straight to the bride before the date, with a name inside each box.
• Email game sheets a week ahead so guests can print them, or share them on screen.
• Keep it shorter than an in-person party and open gifts on camera.
• Give one person the job of running the call: muting, letting people in, calling on guests for toasts.

Keep the whole plan on paper

A to-do list is only useful when every item has a date. Pick the shower date first, write each due date next to its task, and give each task one name. If you are also planning the bachelorette, run both on the same calendar so the deposits do not land in the same week.

If you would rather start from a printed plan, the Maid of Honor Shower and Bachelorette Planner has 14 planner pages in US Letter and A4, including key dates, a bride survey, a shower to-do list, a shower guest list and a shower budget with a host split. Its to-dos each show their due-date rule beside a Due column, and its personalise.html, an offline page, fills in the names, the dates and every due date. Its shower guest list holds 20 guests per page; print another copy for more.

Other pieces that fit this checklist: the bridal shower invitation with details card for the invitations step, gift bingo whose host checklist doubles as the thank-you list, and table signs for the gift and drinks stations.

This checklist is a planning order, not a rule book: your venue's booking window, a destination wedding or a short engagement can move every date. Keep the order, and compress the gaps.