How to Plan a Bachelorette Party: A Dated Timeline, Who Does What and Who Pays

Plan a bachelorette party in this order: talk to the bride, survey the guests on dates and budget, agree the per-person cost, then book the stay, then the activities, then send the itinerary and collect the money. Start roughly six months before the party. The timeline below gives each step a date and an owner.

The timeline, step by step

The month marks follow The Knot's planning checklist, which counts back from the party itself. We added who owns each step and the money step, which is where most plans stall.

The Knot's checklist says to start the conversation with the bride shortly after the couple finalizes their wedding date and wedding party, so that is the first row.

When to hold it, measured from the wedding

There are two clocks: how far ahead you plan, and how far before the wedding the party falls. On the first, The Knot's study puts the start of planning at about 5 months before the wedding, on average. On the second, the sources differ: a planner quoted on the same Knot page recommends holding it two to six months before the wedding, while The Knot's own study found 75% of bachelorette parties occur within a month of the wedding.

Our read: two to six months out is easier on everyone's money and energy, because guests are not paying for the bachelorette, the shower and the wedding in the same few weeks. If most guests are flying in for the wedding anyway, a party the same week saves them a second trip, which is the case Pinot's Palette makes for holding it close to the wedding.

Who does what

The host. The maid of honor usually leads: The Knot describes the maid of honor as typically in charge of planning, with other bridesmaids taking jobs. If there is no maid of honor, a sister, a close friend or a group of two can host.

The bride. She decides the big three (where, when, who) and then steps back. Registry Finder puts it plainly: once where and when are set, her duties are done. Ask her for a short no-go list too: activities, costs or people she wants left out.

The bridesmaids. Each one takes a whole job rather than helping with everything: decor, one game, one meal, the playlist, transport.

Planning your own? If nobody is hosting, the bride can plan it herself with the same timeline. Keep the money step the same: send the per-person estimate before booking, and ask a friend to collect payments so you are not chasing your own guests.

The money conversation, before anyone books

Nothing breaks a bachelorette faster than a cost that appears after people said yes. Send the number first.

Who pays for what. The usual rule is that every guest pays her own way and the group shares the bride's costs. The Knot says the cost is most commonly split evenly between the attendants, and each attendee pays her own travel and her portion of an Airbnb or hotel. The bride's share is where sources differ: the same Knot page also says the bride is usually responsible for her own travel and accommodations, while Batch says it is customary for the bridal party to chip in for at least some of the bride's expenses. Decide which you are doing and say it in the first message.

Decor, goodie bags and gifts. Again, no single rule. Batch says the maid of honor often takes decor and swag on herself and suggests splitting the cost when plans get elaborate; The Knot says gift bags are often covered by the bride herself, as a thank-you to her friends. A gift for the bride is optional; Batch notes that gifts for the bride are not mandatory. Whatever you choose, put decor and favors in the shared budget or name who is paying, so nobody is surprised.

How to send it. One message per guest with the per-person total, what it covers, what it does not (flights, outfits, one meal on their own), one person to pay and a pay-by date. Pinot's Palette suggests sending an itemized breakdown of the costs with the itinerary and a payment link, and Registry Finder suggests making sure everyone has Venmo or Zelle and knows who to pay.

Questions for the guest survey

Keep it short enough to answer on a phone. These are our own prompts:

• Which of these weekends can you do? (list three or four)
• What is the most you can spend in total, travel included? (give ranges)
• Would you travel for it, or would you rather stay local?
• Any food allergies, or anything you do not drink or do?
• Can you arrive the first evening, or the next morning?
• Would you take on one job: decor, a game, a meal, the playlist?
• Anything you would love to do with the bride?

Use an anonymous budget question if you can. People answer more honestly when the group cannot see their number. The Knot's checklist suggests a Google Form for the survey, with a question about each guest's maximum personal budget.

Apps and tools

No one app runs the whole thing. A survey form handles dates and budgets; a shared calendar or a trip app holds the schedule (a hotel manager quoted by The Knot names TripIt or Wanderlog); a payment app collects shares; and one shared itinerary tells guests where to be and what to bring. Our guide to building a bachelorette weekend itinerary covers that last piece, and this list of activities sorted by cost and energy helps you fill the days.

Key things to settle first

• One night or a weekend. It sets every cost after it.
• Local or a trip. Include travel in each guest's total budget.
• The bride's share. Covered by the group, split, or her own.
• A per-person cap. Set from the survey answers before you look at rentals.
• Who is not drinking. Plan their options as real events.
• Jobs for helpers. One owner per job.

A paper planner for all of this

If you want the whole plan on paper, the Maid of Honor Shower and Bachelorette Planner has 14 planner pages, including a bride survey, a guest survey, a bachelorette to-do list, a bachelorette guest list, a stay and activity comparison, a bachelorette budget with each person's share and a 12-person payment tracker, and a settle-up page for after the weekend. Every to-do shows its due-date rule beside a Due column, and personalise.html, an offline page, fills in the names, the dates and every due date. They are print-and-pen pages, and the due dates are planning suggestions counted back from your dates, not rules.

For the look of the rental, see how to decorate for the bachelorette.